A Wet Day

It was summer-time. It was as hot as can be. There were no signs of rain; everyone knew it would take another few weeks for the summer to culminate and the rains to take over. Everything was parched; from mouths to ponds. Our summer vacations were on and I had just managed to scrape through my exams and had been promoted to the 7^th standard by the grace of the Lord, and the grace marks of my teacher. It was during one of those driest, hottest and sunniest days, that my wettest day happened.

I was in an oasis one morning. It was desert all around, when I spotted those green palms and a cool spring. I walked in the extreme heat to the oasis, and dipped myself in the pool. It was so relaxing!! I never wished to come out of that cool paradise, until I heard my mother calling out my name. Damn! I had been dreaming again! As I came to my senses, I still had the feeling of that cool water hanging on to me. It had drenched me... I woke up to find the wettest morning of my existence. Not only did the wetness and dampness of my dream cling to me, the odor of sea water also accompanied me out of my dream! Well, I discovered that I had in fact wet my bed. Come on, even Freud says that’s normal for children who are insecure; and I was insecure as hell. My mom and dad fought like North and South Korea, though it was sometimes difficult to pinpoint who was north and who was south! But, lure me not to other stories dear reader; I had just begun, the wettest day of my life.

As I came out of the toilet, I remembered that I had to preserve a specimen of my stool for taking it to the doctor. I was suddenly besieged with fear!! I mean I was scared, but I wish I were shit-scared, coz I needed that specimen badly. Had the readers known my dad, they would have understood my fear. My dad was so dominating and oppressive that sometimes I wondered if he worked as a part-time electric chair operator! But calm down reader, he was just a small-framed middle-aged man who worked as a butcher! I did not want to be meat for his blade though, and I was sure he would skin me alive if I didn’t keep my appointment with my doctor. So, the genius that I was, I took a small empty box, and announced that I was going to see the doc. But of course I knew that our locality was a mine of manure. And I was sure to strike gold at a walking distance from my home.

Unfortunately, some important person was visiting our locality that day, as I learnt from the scores of sweepers cleaning outside, who I swear I had never seen since my birth. I was astounded to see how many persons were employed to clean the mess that our locality was. Anyways, I was out of luck but hopefully not out of brains. I headed to the nearest milk vendor, where I was sure to find plenty of cows and loads of dung! The cows were all done, and I was left with no option but to stand behind a bull, waiting for it to do the needful. After an eternity of waiting which killed my olfactory senses, the bull finally obliged, but not before drenching me unawares! Damn, it ruined my best shirt! And I was wet! Yes sir, wet again! But I had to hop over to the doc soon, to keep my appointment. At the doc’s, I was asked to wait after submitting the sample. I was a bit scared as I feared the doctor finding out my little faux-pas! It was astonishing when the doc shouted from the lab, “bullshit”! I know I had to leave, and I did.

While walking back to my house I saw a big pothole on the road filled with muddy water. Ha ha, I knew it could not trick me. I chose my path carefully so as to avoid the muddy water. As I passed it I stopped to peer into the muddy water as the scientist in me suddenly took over. There were small black larvae swimming and happily playing in that puddle. As I bent to take a closer look, I saw a scooter come out of nowhere heading towards the puddle. Damn again! But this time I knew I could dodge it. Yes sir, I knew a clever charm! I had seen it on television many times where a lady dodges the muddy puddle in the same way, singing the jingle of a detergent, in a rather commanding tone. I got up and stood next to the puddle with the scooter now just a few meters away. Many bystanders were looking at me and the scooter. As I saw the scooter take the plunge, I sang out the jingle!! Well, either the puddle was deaf, or my singing was not in tune, or maybe there was no background music to assist me, the dirty water splashed all over me! The onlookers laughed wildly, and I was moved to tears. Come on, this time I was weeping on myself! There are times when the strongest of Tarzans also weep, and this was perhaps that time. But I was a determined chap. I sang the jingle again, this time, replacing a few words with expletives, especially of the family type, those which boast of the mention of close relations like that of mother and sister. But, I was drenched!!

I decided to take an auto, coz I could not bear the others looking at me and smelling the stink that rose from my poor clothes. I hailed one, and got into it and sped off. But auto drivers are notorious for literally taking their customers for a ride, and so did he. He took me all over the city to drop me home from a much longer route. At one point, we were caught in traffic. The breeze had by now dried me, and the meter was cruelly ticking away. As far as the eyes could see, there was no movement in the traffic. I decided to get down and walk back, and got down to pay the guy off. It was surprising though, that in spite of such a jam, there was some space beside the auto, which I thought was best to get down. No sooner had I stepped out, I realized why the space was not occupied. Well, dear readers, the prime space was already occupied by an open sewer, in which I landed straightaway!!

Let me not to dangers of open sewers admit impediments, dear readers, with of course apologies to the Great Bard! It was like a space odyssey, I mean the fall down the sewer. As I fell deep down in Hell, there was a feeling of weightlessness, believe me! And if you don’t, well, try it yourself once! But, as all good things come to an end, and as a load of soft material broke my fall abruptly; rather just as I was beginning to enjoy the fall. Oh my god! The whole place reeked, and to top it all, it was dark! But, as they say, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel, so it was, though it was kinda difficult to judge which end was closer. But I walked in one direction, and as one would have seen a mighty Achilles walking towards his enemy and arrows raining, undeterred and resolved! With each step, a new barrage, a new shower, a new stream would hit me from the sides, drenching me with not just water, but with organic wastes! Ultimately, I got out, but not before spending a good two hours inside that tunnel of toxic trickle.

I got out, and it was sunny still. There were no signs of any clouds or rain. How could it rain in the midst of summer, huh? So I had no choice but to walk back home, where I was greeted by my father, who did not recognize me. When I understood this, I quietly moved over to the community tap and sat under it. It was dry. You call that hard luck? No sir! I had to wait until dark, in those sodden, stinking, dripping clothes till night to sneak into my house, lest my dad caught me that way! I headed for the shower and washed myself like never before. It was so refreshing!! I stepped out all clean and clear and dry! As I went over to the closet to get my clothes, I slipped on something, which I later came to know was tea, which my mum had prepared for me and had spilled over near the closet. As she returned with the rag to clean up, she was shocked to see me on the floor. “Oh dear, I was about to clean it up”, she said, “Oh you are all dirty, go get another bath”! And off to shower I went, and though not a drop rained that day, it was the wettest day of my life!!