My Summer Vacations

Like every kid, I too had wild dreams of vacationing at exotic locations. I could see myself on some golden beach surrounded by beauties rubbing suntan lotion on my muscular back. I would surf the ocean on a skimpy board with killer piranhas and blue whales chasing me. Or I would be at some hill retreat, sitting by a fireplace, sipping gin and tonic and enjoying the view of clouds traversing the valley.. but I was only 10 years of age! I was still 10 when my parents thought it fit to go first on a vacation. Not with me of course, alone! Can you imagine? I mean, how trivial and mean of them to dump a kid and have fun themselves? I tried all tricks, maneuvers and pressures to make them change their mind. But I knew they would not. I was a step son to my dad.

Yea, if you think that’s sad, let me tell you that I was a posthumous child. My father was dead before I was born. Lucky chap!! I was posthumous, and he was posthumor.. I mean he was post his humor to have married my mom. You know he had been married to her just 3 months when I was conceived, and when he departed from this mundane world it was just moments after I was seeded in my mother’s womb. What surprised me was how the poor soul managed to tolerate that woman for three long months? I mean, hats off to my step-dad who is himself a mean machine to tolerate her for so long!! But then, why digress when we have so much of fun to have here!!

So, the reason my parents gave for not taking me along on a vacation with them was that they hadn’t been anyplace after their marriage, and this they thought would be an opportune moment to consummate their relationship and renew their wedding vows. In short, when one plans a vacation which is supposed to be a honeymoon; well, three is definitely a crowd. But, I was one tough nut to crack and after sundry little episodes of what seemed like planned accidents, they thought it prudent to include me on the trip. I would have set up spy-cams everywhere, but, alas dear reader, those days were technologically so backward.. I wonder how mean people like me survived those days!!

The big day came and we all boarded a train with rickety wooden seats and windows with no grills. I must add these windows were quite a fright for little kids like me, who were always in the peril of being thrown out by their parents!! The atmosphere though was quite good and some of the people behaved in a very friendly manner. I was just a kid, but I could still interpret this feeling coz some people immediately got in a brawl with my step-dad; just the same manner in which his friends did. So I concluded that they must’ve been very friendly. The journey was sort of uneventful, except for a few minor incidents, like a child falling out of a window, the coach catching fire from an ignored cigarette stub, a few teddy-bear type cute people breaking in at night with a Santa Claus type as their leader whom all passengers called dacoits! Anyways, all’s well that ends well. The journey ended and I was rather overwhelmed to see the travelers’ response; most of them crouching and going down on their knees, hands up towards the Heavens and thanking God.. some of them even wept.. must’ve done so out of joy I guess!!

My parents then took me to a small city there, to the house of one of my fathers’ friends. He was once his school mate and I don’t know more about him. There the next morning it dawned upon me that my father, was my “father” in the real sense of the term. He had abandoned me!! Can you imagine?? They had left on their vacation, and I was to spend those days with his friend’s family. I thought of calling up the Human Rights groups and organize a press conference for media and newspapers. But, alas my readers, this was way back in those glorious days when the fourth pillar was rather non-existent. So, I was left with no option but to silently endure my sojourn there. Tears welled up in my eyes.. No!! Not at my own plight, but thinking of this poor, happy family that was to endure me.

My new family was either too impressed with the family planning program or were perhaps too lazy as they had but one happy kid. The small family was just the opposite of mine. It was happy, content and satisfied, whereas mine was like the Head Quarters of the Allied forces during WW II. My father’s position was akin to that of the Dalai Lama in India.. I mean, he was respected, but hardly had any powers to exercise, nor anyone listened to him. Anyways, dear reader, I am a conscientious student and do not wish to either spark a political debate here, nor to profess my political ideology. In fact, at that age my only political ideology was to see my own interest, which I later discovered was the biggest and the best political strategy. Anyways, this new family was all I ever asked for. The couple loved each other, the child was an angel, and the home; paradise personified.

It was just my second day there, when boredom took the better of me and while playing “postman-postman” with the kid, I delivered a bunch of letters in the neighborhood, which I found wrapped in a pink satin ribbon, and which I painstakingly recovered from an old chest with a weak, rusty lock that came off easily. The lady was not amused at all, especially when she was visited by many of her neighbors in the evening in the presence of her husband. How silly women can be sometimes, huh? What need was there to preserve old, sodden letters of ex-paramours? And how wrong people are when they say that addictions are a fault of youth? That man was in his forties, but that evening he drank for the first time, and could not even hold it. And it was not his fault, coz he had tasted alcohol for the first time, so he was not accustomed to it. He was, no doubt wrong, in bashing up that lady black and blue though. It was thankfully godsend that he finally puked and fell unconscious.

He was better the next day, but slightly confused as I felt, maybe coz of the after effects of alcohol, as he forgot to carry his lunch-box with him the other day. Well, it was in fact the day after, coz now I recall that he had slept for more than 24 hours after that drunken bout. So, the Good Samaritan that I was, I offered help to his wife to deliver the lunch-box myself. But she too was sort of guilty I guess, coz she insisted on doing that chore herself. To make things easy for her, I tried to make it less inconvenient for her and advised her to visit the grey and brown house down the lane, as she was very likely to find him there instead of his office. She was very jolly natured because she laughed it off, but not when I told her that I had followed her hubby and saw that he visits that house before going to office. Jealousy, thy name is woman!! This was said by someone, I don’t remember who, but well said nonetheless. Even before she had gone there, one could see a sea of emotions on her face. If my dear readers ever see a sea, they would see the many colors the sea takes as you see. Well, the colors were the usual ones we often see in computer color palettes. But when I took her to that house in question, one could see even the “custom color palette” on her face, and some invisible hand mixing it and pressing cancel, and then trying hands at a new combination.

Never before had I seen such a commotion, God! My parents seemed like angels in comparison.. touch wood!! What ensued between them, was like the road-shows that one often sees promoting everything from Bikes to SIM cards; but dear reader, road-shows were unheard of in those days, and hence all bystanders were very amused seeing a road-show for the very first time. But, all good things come to an end, and what a pity, they finally limped back to their home with me in their trail. They must’ve been more than tired I guess, because they did not sleep that night.

The kid was Casablanca personified, who was ready to lay down his life at his parents’ command. But I must say the parents too ought to respect the emotions and feelings of such kids. I am not being biased dear reader, I have proof!! Just because they caught him smoking hash was not reason enough to truss him up and beat him. He in fact did not even ask them for money; he was decent enough to take my advice and burgle it from the house next door. I sometimes fail to understand these parents!!

Well, my parents were summoned sooner than planned and I was sad to see my vacations end so abruptly, especially when I was just starting to enjoy myself. I was taken back and grounded for the next few weeks, until my vacation was officially over. But, I sure am looking forward to my next one, are you??